What this little guy has taught me

Spending over 3 hours in the car today going to and from an appointment for C, I had time to reflect on our life. Boy have I learned alot since the birth of Connor! I decided I would share my thoughts on what our little guy has taught me since he joined us here on earth.....

* First and foremost, ANYTHING is possible. 

    Our little 1lb 8oz, 13 inch boy is a walking miracle...if you ever had a doubt in miracles, just take a quick look at him! 

*He has taught me not to take basic life skills for granted.

    I never, in my wildest dreams, would have imagined this life for our child. I love to eat...how could something we love so much be so difficult?! Even though he is starting to make headway with eating, I will never forget where he came from. The first time I was able to bottle feed him in the NICU was terrifying & exciting at the same time, the first time he ever opened his mouth willingly for a spoon was amazing, the  first time he asked for "more" food had me in tears, the first time in over 2 years  he finally ate more than ounce of food! People do these skills multiple times daily and never think twice about it, but each one of those are HUGE milestones and we celebrate each and every one of them! 

* He has taught me that it is okay to cry.

    I am pretty sure I have cried more in the past 2.5 years than I have in my entire life...and that is okay! The tears aren't always of fear, some are of joyous moments, some are from exhaustion, some are from stress, and some tears are just because! It may look like I handle some of his life struggles easily to everyone, but that doesn't mean I don't ever cry. As a matter of fact, I can seem to keep it together but one odd, simple thing can trigger a huge, snotty, red faced meltdown! It is okay for me to get those tears out because once that session is over, I feel like I could take on the world and am ready to shoot for the stars to help my little man even more!

* He has taught me that I am capable of doing things that I never thought I could.

     For instances, my husband and I work opposite schedules (for 2 years and counting) so we can be home to care for him. Plus, no daycare around us would take a child with a feeding tube and CPAP, even if they did the nurse in me probably would have a lot of issues. It hasn't been easy having a child with special needs and both of us feeling like a single parent all the while. But...we continue to do it because it is the best situation for him at this point, not to mention we still have to pay our bills! 

* He has taught me not to be so quick to criticize. 

      Just because that child is having a  major meltdown in the store doesn't mean they aren't getting what they want....maybe the child saw a motorized cart and it terrifies him, maybe the voice on the overhead speaker was just a little too loud, maybe he doesn't do well in loud crowded areas, maybe that relaxing sound of rain on the roof is very upsetting to him. All of those things may be why you see C having a meltdown. Before him, I never would have stopped to consider simple things like that!  Now anytime I see an upset child, I never even think that the parent should do better parenting- my heart  just feels for them. 

* He has made me a better peds nurse.

     I think having a child changes the way you look at nursing, especially in pediatrics. I also think having a child with many health issues and developmental struggles makes me more compassionate with my patients and families than I ever was before. I know what it is like to "sleep" ( aka: rest your eyes for a VERY short period) on that couch, I know what it is like to be sleep deprived from stress and worry about all the what ifs that you can't control, I know what it feels like to not know if your baby is going to live, I know what it is like to watch your baby quit breathing and watch them intubate him right before my eyes, I know what it feels like when they tell you how far behind your child is developmentally, I know what it is like to worry about what type of life your child will grow up to have. This entire journey with Connor has changed the way I do nursing FOREVER and I thank him for making me a better nurse!

     

I could probably keep writing about all the things Connor has taught me about life, but I would be here all night! I know that my entire outlook on life has changed since March 25, 2011 thanks to an amazing blessing from God. :)