I write this blog to share our life with our loved ones and friends that have been there to support us from day one of this journey. I don't write to be judged. I know people are very quiet about things in their life, but that is not me. If you know me, you will know that when I share important things that is the way I heal. I never once kept our fertility treatments and struggles quiet,I never kept Connor's NICU experience quiet, I have never kept our life quiet. One reason I share so much is because I find there are many others out there going through the same situation and to be able to bond over similar struggles is such a great support. Another reason I share is because it is so healing to me. To keep all of my emotions and thoughts inside could cause disastrous things, and I feel much better just by sharing. I don't share our journey for pity or sorrow...I share so that I am able to help educate someone. Someone who may not know about fertility issues, premature babies, feeding tubes, life with a special child, sensory processing disorder, etc..The more awareness then the more accepting people are of these things. So as I share the results of the evaluation, I don't want judgement- full on support and awareness are my goals.
Monday was an anxious day for me...not because I didn't already know the results, but waiting to hear those words that my heart has already been telling me for so long. Our little guy did everything in the evaluation just like he would do if he was in our home environment, so I know they got an accurate view of him. The 3 evaluators were busy writing on their clipboards the entire time...every little move, every little interaction, every word that came from his mouth. I will say that actually hearing the words "Your son has autism" is quite the largest kick in the stomach, your heart sinks, and you feel 1,000 different emotions all at once. There are tears, which I would expect to be completely normal for any family after their child just recieved a diagnosis. The tears come from worrying about his future and thinking back to when we planned and talked about children...we never imagined any of what our life is like in that vision. I don't know too many people that do imagine those things or even think what if. But, this little guy has never once gone by that book " what to expect when you are expecting" so I should not have expected anything different once he joined us in this world 12 weeks early. He has an entire separate series of books that he seems to be going by, I just wish he would share them with me! Life can never prepare you for this, we just learn as we go and pray that God leads us in the right direction.
Anyways, the autism diagnosis does not change my child. He is still the same little boy that we prayed so hard for and have always loved so much. He will continue his therapies, we will continue to fight like crazy to provide him with the best, and we watch him grow into an amazing, inspiring boy. I KNOW God has a plan for this little guy. Even though we aren't aware of that plan,we know that God blessed Josh and I to be his parents and we are just along for the ride. This special little boy has opened our eyes, changed our perspective on life ,opened our hearts, and taught us to embrace the little things.
Thanks to you all for your continued support, we are beyond blessed to have such great people in our lives.
With Love,
Laura
Talked to Josh a little about this today. I'll tell you what I told him. Good gave you a wonderful gift in Connor! He is still the same little boy. diagnosis or not. Just enjoy him as you always have and I'm sure always will. Sometimes God throws us a little curve. Just teaches us how to adjust and overcome obstacles. If it weren't for your love , understanding and strength he wouldn't have intrusted you with such a gift and task. So just smile and be thankful for such an opportunity. I think he has big plans for you guys and Connor! May God continue to bless and enrich your lives! :)
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